On a side note

Fire in the Arcade of a Chuck-E-Cheese

Biggie's - Weehawken

Um, I got these taquitos at Biggie's . . .they were pretty good. And cheap. Biggie's is a cool Mexican corner diner at the Bergen Line. Everything on the menu is super cheap and they have spicy Bocadillos that are filled with savory, slow-roasted meat and crisp spicy peppers--probably your best option here--although any of their archetypal stuff is great: 3 tacos for $6, burritos, etc. It has a friendly diner environment with very attentive staff and is located in a great Hispanic area on Bergen Line with some awesome vintage stores and many other authentic Mexican restaurants. "Biggie's" does sound kind of like the name of a divey strip bar more than a Mexican diner though . . .

3700 Bergenline Ave., Union City, NJ 07087, 201 601 3822‎ Biggie's Info via Google

I miss Men Tei

I need to find a nice, small, authnetic Ramen place in Manhattan soon--it's discouraging that I have to start from scratch after getting to know one of the waiters at Men Tei in Boston pretty well. Tomoe was my server the first time I wandered in one fateful winter day with the sniffles. In what's like some sort of awesome sitcom type plot Tomoe and his friends who also work at Men Tei are in a band called the Rice Cookers trying to make it big. Check them out, they sound sort of like a Japanese Incubus--which is sort of throwback to highschool alt rock/funk metal (in a good way).

Cafeteria - Chelsea

This isn't like your middle school cafeteria. There are no vats of condiments that the weird kid that always wears sweatpants like to play with. There are no chicken patties wrapped in tin foil. There are no teachers strolling around to give you detention for throwing a piece of bread at your friend who threw it at you first so really it was his fault and you shouldn't have been the one to get detention because he started it. It's not like that at all.

Cafeteria falls into that genre of "hip" restaurants that are self-aware of their hipness. They say "Hey, come eat here, we're trying to be cool--just like you, even though you don't want to admit it. Cheap is cool, looking cheap is not cool." That latter statement is a good description of Cafeteria. Nice decor, friendly staff, semi-formal setting with a menu that doesn't burn money and a very intimate space (it's small). And, hey the food's good too.

I started with a tomato basil soup ($6). Very simple, but well done--it had these odd, but pleasant, greenish grilled cheese croutons in the middle that successfully sucked up a lot of the soup and became a soggy, crispy vessel of tomato-ness. For the main course, I had the meatloaf ($15). The huge brick of meatloaf sat in a pool of diced tomato relish and leaned against a small pile of garlic mashed potatoes under a canopy of green beans.

The meatloaf was very tender with a slightly well done outer layer. As you cut away at it with your fork you'll notice chunks of tomato stuck inside--it's like the tomatoes are Han Solos and the meatloaf is carbonite. Delicious, savory, carbonite. The potatoes have a subtle garlic flavor and were very, very smooth. The green beans lean towards a more au naturale state, crisp with a slightly waxy bite--if you like your veggies limp then you may not like them. The portions here are very large, and you may feel as though you are laboring away at the meatloaf after a while without more sides to vary your flavors.

It isn't cheap, but relative to other "nicer" restaurants it is. A large meal in a "cool" environment for around $20 isn't too bad. It's good place to bring a date or friends before going out to a bar on a weekend night.

119 Seventh Ave., New York, NY 10011, 212 414 1717, www.cafeteriagroup.com

Cafecito - Lower East Side

Oh Cubano,

Seductive, tantalizing in every streamlined point--the apex of pressed consumables: spice, meat, cheese--so fine, so perfect in it's natural state.

Cubano, will you meringue with me? Will you tango? Perhaps, we were simply meant for the salsa or, better yet, the defiant--waltz. And now, we lay on the hull of porcelain appetite and slumber. The subtle tupping of margaritas punctuating our existence, one breath at a time.

--The Journal of Earl Sandwich Vol. 12 Ch. XIX

I've had my share of Cuban sandwiches from this and that bar or restaurant. This was by the best one I've had--maybe that's more telling than I want it to be (about me, not the sandwich), but it's the truth. Every facet of the meal was in the good, from the garlic sauce to the mild toasting to the phenomenal authentic au naturale chips. It was a very well thought out and complete meal for $10 sans tip.

The sandwich was pressed firmly as to conceal a thick a layer of roasted pork, ham, Swiss cheese, and pickles awash in spicy mustard and mayonnaise. It's a very ergonomic sandwich that stays together, is easily wielded with one hand, and facilitates the dipping or pouring of sauces like the light garlic sauce and range of hot sauces provided.

Taste and texture slalom peacefully with the savory cheese and meat on the steady and the perky tinges of the cucumbers and mustard on the peaks; your teeth will enjoy the various realms it passes through like the initial crisp crust, then the smooth entry into savory meat and cheese and finally the cold and crispy pickle slices. Pair this with the intriguing authentic brusque Cuban chips and you are in bliss.

That's a satisfying adventure for around $10--I will certainly revisit and report further explorations.

185 Avenue C, New York, NY 10009, 212 253 9966, www.cafecitonyc.com

Vanessa's Dumpling House - Chinatown

This cost $4.25. That's it. No tip, no tax, no nothin'! So maybe you're wondering what this is--they are universally delicious and practically infallible dumplings resting solemnly next to a large cup of miso soup.

Specifically, there's 12 dumplings there; 12 very large and thick dumplings filled with pork, chive, and cabbage and drizzled in a soy sauce and oil concoction. The price-to-portion ratio here is beyond the Heavenly Gates and made St. Peter fall on his ass. Seriously, where can you get a filling meal that tastes good for less than $5? It's a rarity and a blessing. Place's like Vanessa's fill so many gaps in our lives: only got a a couple bucks in your pocket because of the failing economic climate? Drunk and searching for cheap food on a weekend night? Need a good hangover brunch the morning after a night of drinking? How about something fast that isn't corporate?

We need places like this to fill the oddly shape tetris piece that is missing in your stomachs--Vanessa's is like the long skinny one that you can always utilize to knock out like three lines at once.

The dumplings come in all the standard formats: fried, steamed and boiled. The fried dumplings with pork and cabbage or chive are strong pillars: moist and juicy, yet retaining their shape. You get a very savory taste when biting down on one and feeling the warm juice roll over your teeth. The combination of the soup with an assortment of dumplings is a natural remedy that will rejuvenate the elderly and invigorate the young. Prescriptions available at your local bar.

118 Eldridge St., New York, NY 10002, 212 625 8008, Menu via Menu Pages

The Park Avenue - Weehawken

One of the more upscale restaurants in Weehawken, The Park Avenue is a three level brownstone that has a pub setting on the 1st floor with access to a private courtyard, a dining area on the 2nd floor with a balcony, a 3rd floor lounge and a rooftop deck for cocktailing. Pretty impressive.


Since the prices tend to rise as you climb up to the Park Avenue's higher levels--I remained in the first floor bar area where they serve a variety of American bar food with some Latin nuances. It's definitely more formal than your average sports bar, but nonetheless it is very much so a sports bar in every definition, which means television screens everywhere and, at the time, even a huge projector screen for football spectators.

I enjoy the peculiar way that restaurants tend to put the word California in a dish's name simply to denote that something has avocado in it--as if everything Californian is comprised of ripe green flesh. And so I ordered a California Chicken Sandwich. The sandwich was actually excellent: large and hearty with a thick cutlet of grilled chicken that was cooked tenderly and remained moist throughout. Layered on top were long slices of avocado, red onions, mozzarella, and chipotle sauce. Sure, it may not be a groundbreaking combination, but they do execute it well--I especially enjoyed that the chipotle had a stronger kick than the average dressing.

The fries were actually notable--particularly crispy and the grease eluded me. With the beer it came to around $15, more or less when factoring in tip. The staff was good. Our server was congenial and attentive, but not overbearing and explained the current ongoings of the bar such as the deal on domestic beer they were having and the deal on buffalo wigs during football season.

I guess I can like a sports bar.

3417 Park Avenue, Union city, NJ 07087, 201 617 7274, www.parkavenuebargrill.com

99 - Northeast

99 is my Dad's favorite restaurant, which is kind of weird since it's pretty much just your typical chain restaurant with your run-of-the-mill menu of burgers, sandwiches, and "signature" entrees comprised of a few pasta, steak, and chicken dishes. However there is reason behind this favoritism that lies within a timeless axiom. This universal truth is perfecting the basics.

That's right. So while the 99 may not have an Aussie theme or an outrageous deal on Tuesdays or some other hinging gimmick--they do genuinely have a solid foundation in food service; specifically, cheaper prices, larger portions, satisfactory quality, and consistent service. These are all very basic things that pretty much all restaurants claim to have--but we all know too well that this is not the case. I've never run into a person who has spouted off this market-speak laundry list and concluded with "and that's why I like Applebees!" No, it is more often one hinging factor that these people harp on whether it be cheap, cool, fast, etc.

Let's take a look at my order--for $13 dollars I got a combination entree made of baby back ribs, a crab croquette, mashed potatoes, squash, and a honey biscuit. The baby back ribs were good, not as much meat on them as I would have expected here, but still tender. The crab croquette was moist without any hint of "fishiness." Mashed potatoes were on par, obviously not homemade, but they were firm and held shape without looking like some instant made goop. The squash had a very strong brown sugar taste and was very sweet. All together, the meal was filling and ventured well with many "breaks" as I had a couple bites of the croquette and then refreshed my palate with the squash and then rejoined the fray with the ribs etc. There was no time to linger on one flavor.

847 West Central St., Franklin, MA 02038, 508 520 9909, www.99restaurants.com