Thanks but no thanks?

Halloween is here. It's a fantastic day of pumpkin smashing, teenage hyjinks, candy gathering, justifying girls wearing skimpy outfits and getting drunk. Those last two seem to be what all holidays degrade into once you reach college-age, so if you haven't reached that pinnacle of debasement, try and keep your holidays pure as long as you can. One minute you'll be going door to door grabbing Snickers and Twix and the next you'll be holding the hair of a slutty "nurse" while she pukes in a bush outside a house party in Allston--don't fall into that pit.
Sorry for the rant. This post was supposed to be about sweets--do you like them? I'm not that partial. I feel as though some enjoy Halloween for the sugar, other for the tradition, and the worst enjoy it for the depravity and consumerist defilement. Which category do you fall under?

Homecooked

Today we shall hang our heads low and whisper a solemn prayer for those deprived of a home-cooked meal--either lacking now, the past, or cursed forevermore. Those distraught souls, hanging in limbo and feeling unsubstantiated--may they know the warmth of a meal made by maternal and paternal knowledge; experience only forged with the wisdom of age.



What say you, young reader? What foods make your blood rush around in excitement like a dog pacing around a hearth on a winter night? Do you have an Italian grandmother who makes the best sauce? Of course you do. Do you have a Polish mother who makes glorious perogis? How about a father who brandishes a blazing grill like a shield?

Tell me, hero. Tell me of your family's culinary exploits.

Skewered in the dark

Is it weird that I am fascinated by the cooking habits of other people my age? I often assume that the majority of student-age young professionals and the like are nothing but take-out ordering, junk food eating, Bud Light guzzling money burners. I think that this image haunts me often, because it's probably true for the most part. But when I see said demographic grilling on a cool autumn night with shish kebab en masse--I am impressed.

Stew

"Stew" is a great word. I enjoy it greatly. I suggest you incorporate it into your daily speech as much as possible, for instance:

"After soccer practice today I stewed in my perspiration for several hours afterward--delaying the inevitable shower."

"I meditated for long, allowing the idea of world peace and emotional homeostasis to stew in my mind--I eventually threw up, completely disgusted by idealism."

Try it out yourself! The opportunities are endless (not really). Compliments to the chef, Katie, for the pictured stew above. Remember that stewing involves an extended time of cooking--else your beef may not turn out as tender as you like.

Steve's Kitchen - Allston

Look at that glistening steak.

Does it irk you?Does it tease you? Depending on your reaction you could be a number of things:

A) a pervert
B) a vegetarian
C) an insatiably carnivorous individual
D) a lot of other things, really

Steve's is a small Greek diner that specializes in breakfast and brunch foods; many of which have some Grecian tinges. It's very affordable and quick with a cozy feel--it's a small place, but the staff are very nice and humble. From my experience they are middle aged and quiet folk of non-white background, which is a good change from the often cynical and begrudging student-age servers you may often get who may or may not be sociable depending on whether or not they're missing the latest episode of Lost or anxiously awaiting their next keg stand.

That said, Steve's offers good food for cheap, but it's not the most healthy food--obviously that steak is greasy, again, this may or may not appeal to you. But there are other, less shiny options for you to consider if you don't like your food to shimmer.

The steak was tender and thin, but a better cut than what I was expecting by far for the price. The addition of wheat toast and home fries and made-to-order eggs (mine were fried over-easy) made for a good meal for around $10.

If you decide to head to Allston and try it out watch out for the bed bugs.

120 Harvard Ave., Allston, MA 02134, 617 254 9457

Masa - South End

Masa is the sort of restaurant that suits the mission of Dine or Death: affordable, nice decor and well-prepared food. It's a restaurant that you can utilize. Want something good on the cheap side? Go for brunch and get an entree for less than $10. Need to find a place to eat on a formal date that won't totally kill your wallet? Head over for dinner and splurge a little, but not a ton. Plus, finding restaurants with a formal South Western theme is rare in Boston.

I attended brunch at Masa and was confronted by the "Ultimate Breakfast Burrito." The concept of an ultimate burrito tantalized me with idealistic images of burritos that had somehow gained fame and grandeur through epic sequences of events that somehow brought them to my plate. I scoffed at the idea of such a godly meal, but decided to entertain the idea.

Ultimate? Probably not, but good nonetheless. A brick-sized burrito with a generous dollop of sour cream was laid before with rice, beans and salsa. Inside was a mixture of enticing things: scrambled eggs, spring vegetables, Monterey Jack cheese, chorizo and home fries. Home fries in my burrito? Delicious. The medley of ingredients created a thick and delightful combination of flavors: the soft eggs coupled with the firm vegetables and smooth sour cream made for an exciting texture.

I ask that you come and test the mettle of this potentially ultimate burrito for yourself. Make your own judgments of its claim and create your own fantasies from which it originated.

439 Tremont St., Boston, MA 02116, 617 338 8884, www.masarestaurant.com

Cheesecake Factory - Back Bay (Prudential Center)

Hey don't criticize me. Yeah, I went to Cheesecake Factory, so what? Sure, it's a super corporate, over-bloated, cafeteria-esque restaurant with no originality or authenticity--but they make up for all of that with large portions of any type of food you'd ever want. Pizza, hamburgers, burritos, pasta, seafood, rhino, durian, duck confit, lembas. And that's what matters most in a consumer mind--atleast according to the marketing plan that they follow.

Although I can't help but feel a bit guilty for contributing to such an emotionless and imperial chain, I have to admit that everyone has their guilty pleasures and their indulgences in instant gratification--after all, it's the zeitgeist of our generation.

Here, we have the spicy chicken cashew dish. It's a simple dish: large chunks of chicken in a mild Thai sauce, heaps of roasted cashews, green onions and white rice. No, it's not "very spicy" as the menu describes it, but it's still good, filling and worth the $12 for the generous amount you get. The chicken is cripsy with tender boneless white meat and the blend of cashews with the chicken and rice makes a great crunchy texture that mixes well with the soft white rice.

So please, go right ahead and conform. Go to the Cheesecake Factory, eat a ton of food, then feel obligated to eat extremely overpriced cheesecake for dessert simply because of the restaurant's namesake. Go ahead, you'll love it.

15 Huntington Ave. Suite 181, Boston, MA 02199, 617 399 7777, www.cheesecakefactory.com

Billy's Breakfast - South End

Billy's epitomizes the mission of Dine or Death: cheap, good food. Straight facts here, leave your pretenses at the door. The quaint, homestyle diner is simple and a bit drab looking from it's view on Berkeley St., but that's usually an indicator that this place is legit--and it is.

A Greek place at heart, Billy's serves fair priced steak tip dinners, Greek salads, falafels, gyros, and other Greek inspired entrees along with a slew of breakfast choices on the same level. I've heard that momentous eating occasions have been created by their pancakes, omelets, and falafels specifically. My living quarters are in close proximity to Billy's so it's place I'll drop in to grab a couple breakfast sandwiches while I'm doing laundry or other small errands. In this case, I juggled two standard bacon, egg, and cheese on a bagel sandwiches.

The sandwiches are certainly larger, more filling, and better tasting than your typical frozen sandwich a la Dunkin' Donuts or other chains. The cooks fry up the eggs to your liking (over-easy please! Drippy egg yolk is vital to my existence) and compact it with cheese and bacon on a buttered bagel. Sure, it's not the healthiest meal, but for a quick and filling breakfast for around $7 that's a great deal. Obviously, if you're in the mood for something crisp you should get one of their enormous Greek salads with a plethora of goodies in tow.

57 Berkeley St., Boston, MA 02116, 617 426 1822

Fall is undoubtedly here.

It's getting colder and girls are already debating about whether they'll be a sexy nurse or a sexy cat for Halloween (both choices are lame by the way). Halloween is about ghosts and monsters and zombies--not being a celebrity or sexy. Thanks for letting me vent about that.

So I went and watched Hocus Pocus over in Cambridge with some friends and made a lot of steak. We drank cider made from Ben Lee's grandmother's farm along with Brooklyn Brown Ale and Spanish crianza.

I didn't know Sarah Jessica Parker was in Hocus Pocus. Gee.

El Triunfo - South End

Fall is here and it's starting get a little chilly--which is great because you can pull out all those sweet jackets that have been neglected in your closet. That's cool, I think. But if you start missing the heat you can trick your senses and indulge in some Mexican cuisine and equip some maracas--in case you enjoy those particular percussion instruments--not that I am stereotyping Americanized Mexican food and maracas to be representative of an entire culture and all of its complexities. I would not do that. That would be ignorant.

Carnitas burrito? Check. Steak burrito? Check. Chicken Tacos? Check. Guacamole? Check. Voracious appetite? Check. Unnecessary list of items followed by the word check? Check.

Sometimes you get home and you don't feel like cooking and you just want to eat a metric ton of food. Instead of dialing for the same old pizza delivery place, try something new, something different. Yes, this may sound terrifying; new things are often scary. At one point, Nazis were new and look, they're still a pretty terrifying concept. But don't worry, ordering Mexican food instead of something more typical isn't that scary. A large burrito is $6 and tacos are $2.75 each, not bad at all.

El Triunfo is great if you're looking for something a bit more authentic than something like Boloco or Qdoba. In my opinion it's even better than the prominent Anna's Tacqueria --although slighty more expensive. A burrito from El Triunfo with hot sauce, guacamole, black beans, rice, sour cream and salsa is a very special thing. Yes, these are all standard burrito fillings, but most places do not put hot hot sauce in their burritos--El Triunfo does. After that, the lines only blur slightly between burrito boundaries. Chicken, steak, carnitas; all their meat is juicy and I have not sampled a dry piece from them yet. Their salsa also has a spicy bite to it as well--I appreciate that. Their tortillas are a bit thicker than places like Qdoba's as well, which provide a firmer bite and a better safety net for messy eaters.

The tacos were adequate, although I would suggest a burrito over them because of the portion-to-cost difference. Here's the math:

Cost:
2 tacos = almost $6
1 large burrito = $6

Mass:
2 tacos = not much food
1 burrito = a satisfying amount of food

1 burrito > 2 tacos

Make sure to enunciate once again when ordering here per usual at a joint like this there are very few native English speakers so be clear so there is no mistakes in your order or delivery. Also, if you're not a corporate supporter you'll enjoy this place since it's an independent restaurant--it's not even a chain. There's just one, which means it's special.

Adios.

147 East Berkeley St., Boston, MA 02118, 617 542 8499

Give a dog a bone--that won't kill it

This dog's name is Graham. He's a miniature dachshund. He's OK, but not great. Nonetheless, I gave him a steak bone and he enjoyed it thoroughly--almost too much. Steak bones are OK for dogs because they don't splinter and cause injury to said mammal. Lesson learned: don't give a dog chicken bones.